I Don't Know What This Is, But I Want Ten Of Them

Before you judge someone you must walk a mile in their shoes. I don't think I need to get up off my seat to judge his questionable clothing. His shoes aren't the problem, which might come as a surprise to some savvy readers who noticed that I started off with the shoe line; it's everything else. The pants, the hat, and the lack of a shirt have me both intrigued and terrified.

I want an Archwood Flextrek 37,000,000,000,000 Whipsnake more than I want to see the sun rise every morning, but I'm really on the fence about the rest of the outfit. I'm no outdoorsman, but I think pants and a shirt of some sort are prerequisites for wandering around the wilderness. This isn't Nam, there are rules. Le Crevasse isn't cutting it, buddy. If I wanted to watch a bunch of pale men wander around aimlessly while murmuring to themselves about their awesome fanny packs, I'd hang out with the press pool during the presidential primaries.