Ask Not What Your Flamethrower Can Do For You — Ask What You Can Do For Your Flamethrower

(Warning: some salty language, yelling, and incessant questioning of things women will never understand)



A man doesn't build a flamethrower for any real reason; he builds it because he can. Unless he's a professional arsonist, in which case the flamethrower is a vital piece of equipment. Then again, if someone hands you a business card that says professional arsonist it's probably a good idea to give it back and wipe the gasoline off your fingers before he gets any big, flamey ideas.

Defined as: "a mechanical incendiary device designed to project a long, controllable stream of fire", the flamethrower really needs a few bits appended onto that nice little description to make it fit better with the parlance of our times.

How about: "A thingy that throws flames, and shit; get over it Martha it's not that big a deal, Christ". Better? Better.