And You Wear A Helmet To Ride Your Three-Speed To The Convenience Store

I've jumped out of perfectly good airplanes, and I'd never have the stones to try that.

(Kudos to Gerard at American Digest, who doesn't wear a helmet to shake or stir his drinks)

Why Do All The Weapon Shows Have It In For Watermelons?

The BSBFB heartily approve of the weaponization of common household items. Four alarm chili, for example, can be turned into a biological weapon, or at least require a courtesy flush.

But what's with all the melon hate? The watermelon is a proud component of every Borderline Boy's diet, allowing you to spit things in front  of your mother without a scolding. The management of the BSBFB believes that watermelons deserve better. We hereby suggest that these proud melons be spared further destruction. Perhaps we could suggest an alternative target. Something everyone hates. You know, like purse dogs or school lunches.

(Thanks to BSBFB devotee Charles Schneider for sending that one along)

Only About 113 Percent Better Than Gone In Sixty Seconds

Hot glue gun action! Or is that hotglue gun action? Hmmm. Might be hot gluegun action. Perhaps hot glue-gun action. Maybe hot, hot glue-gun action...


(Thanks to Gerard at American Digest for sending that one along. He uses his hot glue gun to melt mozzarella sticks onto his crackers)

You Got Like, Three Feet Of Air That Time

You know, if Brutalist architects and planners didn't make every city in the world into a hardscape end-of-the-world East German nightmare , Borderline Sociopathic Boys wouldn't slide all over them and paint their names on the blank concrete walls.

I Imagine The RC Driver That Made The Video Will Get A Real Driver's License Someday, And Then Immediately Wrap His Mom's Car Around A Tree

I Don't Know Much, But I'm Pretty Sure The Person That Made This Is Never Going To Draw Funny Shapes In Your Latte Foam For Tips

Lego is just Minecraft for when the power goes out, but you can do some pretty interesting things with it these days. Of course a Lego set costs more than a real industrial robot, but that's neither here nor there. Build something!

I've Driven In Boston...

Boston, Massachusetts, that is. I've seen a cabbie do a U-turn on Mass Ave., across four lanes of traffic, from a standing stop at the curb. During rush hour. If this guy was driving in Boston instead of Tbilisi, he'd have a guy riding six inches from his bumper, laying on the horn with one hand while eating a crueller with the other, steering with his knees, and yelling SLOWPOKE out the window at him.

One Hesitates To Point Out That He's Actually Constructed A Fronthoe

The Red Green Show

Silly Me. I Always Thought A "Romanian Paint Job" Was A Wrestling Move

The Borderline Sociopathic Boy is resourceful. Not like a Boy Scout. Boy Scouts wear sashes like beauty queens and help old ladies across the street. The Borderline boy wears Methyl Ethyl Ketone aftershave and works in the clothes he slept in.

And while they are as level-headed as the next guy would be while producing the Venturi effect with their own exertions, every once in a while they inhale when they're supposed to be exhaling. But then they save on their bar bill, and come out ahead anyway.

(Thanks to friend of the BSBFB Charles Schneider for sending that one along)

Dear Diary: I'm Thinking Of Reading The Instructions Now

The manual is Cantonese, and I'm German, but what the hell. I once put together an IKEA shelf. Only took fourteen days. It's leans to the left a bit, and you can't put books on it, but I think it's awesome. I should be able to repair a helicopter if I read a pamphlet. I'm a guy. Guys are good at that sort of thing.

(Thanks to Gerard at American Digest for sending that one along)

I'm James Three-Toed Kirk, Baby!

I'm a three-toed sloth, and I've fallen out of my tree into a speedboat.

Good god, I'm Neil Armstrong and Conan the Barbarian rolled into one. I'm Pizarro and Magellan and that Cabot fellow that couldn't figure out how to spell his name. I'm the love child of Perseus and Usain Bolt. I am master of all I survey. I go where I please, and strike where I please, like the most ferocious Bedouin warrior. I am the king of my kind. An emperor! A god!

I don't know where I am. I don't know how this machine works. I don't know what these strange, hairless creatures are, or what they want with me. But I do know one thing for certain: It will take a very long, long time to walk home.

Enough To Stop Us Be Men!

As the famous philosopher Dirty Harry once said, A man's got to know his limitations.

No, not this guy. He doesn't have any limitations. You saw the video. He is the raison d'etre of the Borderline Sociopathic Blog for Boys. He is the ideal reader, and the subject matter.  No, I'm the one that has to acknowledge my limitations, and I do so freely right here and now: I can never compete with Google Translate for writing comedy. Need proof? Here's the notes appended to the video, translated into interplanetary, extraordinary Anglish, baby:

Our business is to be men, our business work. We did not make a beautiful stay in fitting and waiting in lines. We do not stand at the stove with a spatula, we are not talking this jacket. We do not go to the shops for fun - we do not like to walk. We like to work. Work - this is our style. We're doing big things big funds. No, we did not declare war on you, we just say enough. Enough to stop us be men! We have our own shopping. We do not buy and acquire. We are not looking, and choose. And we do not sell - because this man is priceless.

By the way; the discerning Borderline Boy reserves the chainsaw for the rutabagas. Cabbage only needs a machete.

(Thanks to Жерар at Американский дайджест for sending that one along)

I've Been In So Many Places I Shouldn't Have Been -- The World's Largest Tree House

The State of Tennessee says it's not safe, you can't go in there. The State of Tennessee can shove a rope up a drainpipe.

(Thanks to the lovely and talented Daphne, who's raising her own crop of Borderline Sociopaths, for sending that one along)

It's... Beautiful

Shade tree mechanic. It's the essence of the Borderline Sociopathic Boy ethos.

I don't know anything, but I know this kid can move to Havana tomorrow and get along just fine. 

Never Give Up! Never Surrender!

Commander Taggart has saved us!

(Thanks to the lovely and talented Julie for sending that along. She's currently raising her own crop of Honorary Borderline Sociopathic Boys, and just plain Honorary Boys)

1:12 RC Cars Are At Least 8.3 Percent As Interesting As Real Racing

There's precious little left in this world that doesn't merit sponsorships and television coverage at this point. I expect the next Olympics will include competitive bowel movements. I wonder if they can devise a urine test for Taco Bell food. Can't have people gaining an unfair advantage. 

This Kid's Got Potential

When your access to women is limited, you have to learn to lie to the only ones available. After you get your driver's license, you can start lying to girls over a larger range.You'll go far in this world, young man.

Can We Have A Moment Of Silence For Those Poor Souls That Lost Their Job In The Circus Due To The Bad Economy?

It's OK. I know you probably don't speak Fingleutsch, so I'll translate:

One day, my clown consort and I are happily teasing bears in a tent while riding around on bicycle parts and wearing more makeup than a Mary Kay Vice President. Next thing you know, Angela Merkel's giving some Greek outfit all our cultural fund money to prop up their souvlaki and molotov bottles industries, and we're out on our keister. Now we have to travel the countryside, delighting small children one-on-one out in the landscape, the only way we know how: Falling on our faces in gravel.

Hey, it's a living. Well, the disability checks we're going to qualify for will keep us in fleisch und kartoffeln, anyway. 

(Thanks to Gerard at American Digest for sending that one along. He speaks Fingleutsch, but I think he's a swamp German or something)

Apparently, All The Readers Of The BSBFB Should Just Move To Finland And Find A Pale Princess In A Cableknit Sweater And Make Little Lapps

Well, Ya Gotta Admit, It Beats Pestering Cows

About 87 Percent Of The 1561 Entries Ever Posted On The BSBFB Use This AWOLNATION Song For A Soundtrack

Oops, 1562, now.

Of course, if people had any sense, it would be the Rawhide theme song. But there's no arguing with some people.

Coming Next Fall: The Dukes Of Trips To Meineke

I know there were a lot of people there, and they were all saying various things, and in English, but all I heard was,"Goooolly Sergeant Carter, Golly Sergeant Carter, Golly Sergeant Carter...

I Wonder If He Even Knows The Guy In The Motorcycle Helmet

I mean, the dude's just a little too "into" this head butt business.I could see him, in his avuncularly  manic way, doing this to the cable guy, or the paperboy, or the pizza delivery guy, and then the postman, and a Jehovah's Witness, and then a census taker, the meter reader...

When The World's Full Of The Passive And Torpid And Lazy And Useless, Mastering Simple, Practical Things Seems Heroic And Subversive

Falling With Style

There's over fifteen minutes of it. See if you can watch it only twice.