Here's Some Unsolicited Time Machine Advice

If you get a time machine, and you go forward in time, go to the library. If you go back in time, go to the track.

There Are Dozens Of Videos Of Toddlers Playing The Drums

This is the only one where the child is smiling.

A Young Man Should Never Be Ashamed To Be Seen With His Sister

Just Because - Collins Kids

You'll be spending a lot of time with her boyfriends anyway.

It Blowed Up Real Good

Desperately Old-School and poor kids used to play this with graph paper and pencils.

Hey!

Hay!
Hay?
Hay!!
Whatever floats your boat.
Wanna fight about it?
Hey!

In Any School, the Desk Is Made Of Wood

This is my school now.

If You Work Hard, You Get To Sit And Rest For A While

Men Are Dumb

If she plays her cards right, the second coat he provides will be a fur one.

Some People Think Easter Is A Reason To Dress Sharp

I think it's an excuse to dress sharp.

All The Riches In The World

A real man would never surrender bacon on the hoof. But adventure trumps all.

I Was The Toughest Kid In My Neighborhood...

...until some boys moved in.

My Friends Know The Fireman's Carry

Treasure Island

Dad Says Reading Is Even More Fun If You Learn How To Read

Hard to believe, but dad never lies.

Mom's Drunk. Dad's Crying

Saint Patrick's Day shoulda been named "Opposite Day."

I Would Love To Have An Enormous Amount Of Free Time To Learn Something Totally Useless

Got Verne?

We All Wanted A Pony

But some of us were just hungry.

The Greatest Recruiting Poster Of All Time

You'd never have any problem recruiting for the Police Department if this was your pitch. Indian motorcycle? Check. Machine gun? Check. Me? I don't want one.

I want two.

The Sun Did Not Shine. It Was Too Wet To Play

So we sat in the house
All that cold, cold, wet day.

Scroll Past The Boring Parts Used To Mean Something Else